My Love and Hate Relationship with the Game of Basketball
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men on the court, shout, fight, we love the game [A]
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A clear and close view of our lives truns cruel [B]
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Repeat industrially, but only shame [A]
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Have no assist nor block, I’m just a fool [B]
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The ball was lost and the hard work was tossed [C]
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I grab my hair and scream with wrath and tear [D]
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I should not quit, but all I feel's exhaust[C]
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Too dim, too slow, too tall, was it unfair? [D]
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Worn-out, but I still love the game with zeal[E]
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To work hard on both ends was my main goal [F]
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To crossover right and swift dunks were real [E]
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To flee from me was just due to my threats [F]
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Clouds melt in, now more graceful and adept [G]
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To win was tangible cuz they sidestep [G]
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| I have learnt so much about basketball in TAPA. Sometimes, my works were left undone because of basketball, which was no doubt a painful experience. Sometimes, I left the games ashamed. Regardless, I have enjoyed my time with my peers. Although I often hated my great size, I believed it has made me slow, but there were times that I made things possible due to my size. Often exhausted, ashamed, and blamed, but I have also seen the power I possessed. The height could be a burden, but it is truly a great gift; thus, it should have been my sub-topic. |
Your stresses are wrong and your words don't rhyme.
ReplyDeletefor this sentence:
Vitality for sport just died, exhausted [C]
Va-ta-li-ty for sport just died ex-haus-ted
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I think this is 11 syllables already...
also this sentence: World light-ed, hold fast to dreams, pay off with zeal [E]
some rhyming doesn't match! but i can feel the passion of bball, you have to be a true player to understand the love of the game and the great abundance of knowledge behind every basket we make!!!
ReplyDeleteGreat Job
Remember to check more on the stresses and your rhyming is a bit off, but great description on your thoughts when playing basketball.
ReplyDelete14 lines: 5/5
ReplyDeleteIambic pentameter (+ labels): 10/15. Check the comments, but I think they're right. Some of the emphasis is off kilter.
Defined rhyme scheme (+ labels): 12/15. Not right on the first stanza, but better afterwards.
A "turn": 5/5
Overall feel: 8/10. Could use a bit more work...
Total score: 40/50